VIRGINIA GOVERNOR SIGNS PRO-BIKER MEASURES James Gilmore, governor of Virginia, recently signed into law two bills that support that state’s motorcycling population, the AMA reports. One, HB 430, requires all drivers education programs in public schools to include motorcycle awareness training as part of the curriculum. The governor also signed into law a bill allowing the sale of special license plates that support Motorcycle Rider Safety Training programs. Under HB 429, plates bearing the slogan “Share the Road” will be sold, with $15 of the $25 special plate fee deposited into the motorcycle safety training program fund.
HOLLY CARBURETOR FROM HARLEY-DAVIDSON–That’s it, a shot of the new Holly carburetor from the factory. So lovely Brenda’s new Duece will be sporting one of these puppies and we’ll show you how it’s done. She’s working for Bartels’ Harley-Davidson in Marina del Rey and put up with Forrest long enough to pull a deal on a new bike. Way to go Brenda. Now we’ll see what we can do with it.
MCCLURE STILL IN THE THICK OF THINGS–Jim McClure of Williamsburg, Va., is still in the championship chase at the far end of mid season. McClure is currently sixth in the IHRA Screamin’ Eagle Nitro Harley division, third in the ADBA Top Fuel Series, and fourth in the JIMS Top Fuel Series with AHDRA.
McClure was very pleased with his final round appearance at the IHRA 23rd annual Mopar Parts World Nationals presented by Ethanol Performs. It was held last week at Norwalk, Ohio.
“The bike is coming around just as it’s ready to be sold. It’s been a tough season, the travel, the new truck and just the quality of the field in IHRA. We’re going to pick up the new bike on our way to Epping, I guess that’ll give ’em something to look at next weekend. We’re hoping to have it finished and on the track, maybe by Gainesville.”
“We are hoping that the television coverage will work to our advantage and help bring in a new sponsor that we’re currently negotiating with. The coverage is great and the airtime is impressive. We getting lots of calls and hope the potential sponsors will see the advantage of our marketing offer,” McClure said.
McClure intends to compete:
Sept. 8-10 IHRA Epping, N.H.
Sept. 21-23 IHRA Rockingham, N.C.
Sept. 28-30 IHRA Budds Creek, Md.
McClure is supported on his national tour by Rivera Engineering, Primo Products, Red Line Synthetic Oil, ACCEL, Hampton Roads HD, Southside HD, F & S HD, S & S Cycle Inc., Performance Machine, Axtell, Autolite & Vanson Leathers –www.jimmcclureracing.com(Don’t forget to watch IHRA on TNN on Sunday nights at 10:30 p.m. EST.)
BANDIT’S STREET STALKER FOR SALE–That’s right, for a mere $17,000 you can own one of the first Street Stalkers to be formed out of a Fatboy. Its black out style was featured in Easyriders and rode to Sturgis 1998. The bike was hopped-up by Dave at Bartel’s H-D and runs at the top of its game for an 80-inch motor. If you want to talk to me about it, send an e-mail to bandit@bikernet.com, or go see the bike at California Harley-Davidson on Pacific Coast Highway in Harbor City; (310) 539-3366 and ask for Joel.
DEPARTURE BIKE WORKS–I often recommend this shop to riders in the east and south. It’s been a family-owned shop for more than 750 years. Yes, the owner, Lee Clemens, is a crusty old fart, but he knows Harleys (even before H-D started) and performance. His shop in Richmond, Va., which is run by his lovely wife Brenda, now handles Panzer motorcycles for the guys who want today’s reliability with the old-world character of the Panhead and Knucklehead. Check out Lee’s idle-brained ramblings on their site: www.departure.com.
THERE ONCE WAS A MAN– who was so proud of the fact that he had six kids that he insisted on calling his wife “mother of six.” His wife hated this name and asked him repeatedly not to call her that, but he was a stubborn man and was very proud that he had six kids.
One evening they were at a dinner party for his company and it was getting close to the time that they should be leaving. The husband yelled from across the room to his wife, “Mother of six, are you ready to go?” Annoyed with his question, she responded, “In a minute, father of four.”
ASPHALT COWBOY REPORT–Actually, I have nothing to report, but I came across this photo of the lady of one of the guys who has been inquiring about the movie. His name is Rourke, and he sent in this shot of his girl for consideration. Seems the writer, Conrad Goode, has contracted pneunomia and is hiding in the hill trying to get over it. He needs to get off drugs and get back to town for a part in another movie. MC is also in the midst of working another movie while the producers try to line up a director. Hopefully we’ll have more to report in the near future.
BIKETOBERFEST IN STYLE–Have you always dreamed of rolling into Biketoberfest on your bike, but don’t know how to arrange it? Well we’ve got connections for the ride of a lifetime. It starts in Nashville and rolls from one wild country western party to another H-D dealership and heads east until the final beach party lights up the sparkling Atlantic on the Florida coast. The run is called Thunder Over Dixie and the man behind the crackling in the sky is Beau Pacheco. The price of the run includes handling and service charges (whatever the hell that is); rooms in Nashville, Chataanooga, Rosewell and Savannah; dinners at dealerships along the way; guest loot package; $50 donation to Paul Newman’s Hole in the Wall Charities; preferred bike parking at each venue; admission and VIP treatment at each venue and concert, bikedom’s greatest party in Daytona; and a week’s membership in Motorcycling Touring Service, to cover any emergencies, such as alligator bites. For more information, contact Vickie at (949) 645-8036.
KWIK-STANDS FOR LIFTING BIKES–Here’s a notion, but unfortunately I’m lacking images here. I’m looking for a new extra-long ramp that breaks down for my new pickup. No, I can’t afford the damn truck, but as soon as I find a junker that runs, I’m gonna need a ramp. Anyway, this company, Custom Weldings, builds lightweight bike lifts for the garage. These are the type of tubular lifts that can be hauled anyplace (12-25 pounds) and lift the bike six to eight inches off the ground in seconds. They’re located at 1983 SW Biltmore St., Port St. Lucie, Fla., 34984; (877) 879-6928.The Surgical Banner
RONNIE MONTROSE PATENTS THE SOUND OF A STEED MOTORCYCLE–Guitar legend Ronnie Montrose and motorcycle designer John Covington teamed up to make Heavy Metal Thunder while recording the official theme song for www.surgicalsteeds.com. The two American Motorcycle enthusiasts recorded a soundtrack for Surgical-Steeds’ motorcycle Web site. Inspired by the ’70s Montrose classic “Bad Motorscooter,” the three-minute, 40-second original theme quickly plays in a streaming-audio format on Surgical-Steeds site and also is available as a free download on the Montrose site http://www.ronnieland.com in the MP3 format.The Steed-Theme was conceived when Covington, president of Surgical-Steeds Classic American Motorcycles Inc., met Montrose through a mutual friend. “I was in the middle of building our Web site when I met Ronnie,” he said. “I asked him if I could use ‘Bad Motorscooter’ as a soundtrack for the site when Ronnie one-upped me and offered to compose and produce an original score for us. Ronnie found out that I also played drums and invited me to jam with him on the track. It was a real pleasure pounding the drums while Ronnie did his guitar hero thing. He’s a monster in the rock world, and a really great guy to hang with.”The Steed-Theme was recorded live on Sept. 25 at The Producers House Studio in North Hollywood, Calif. Joining the jam were bassist Dave Henzerling and vocalist Bobby Gaylor. Alex “Knobs” Woltman took on the engineering duties during the performance. “We recorded the song in the afternoon, went out for dinner and mixed it the same night. It was really a magical performance by Ronnie and the whole gang,” Covington said. “We all had a blast and it brings a personal custom touch to my Web site.”
HILLTOPPERS RIOT AND GANG RAPE–Even before outlaws, there were clubs that flourished throughout the country. They were more like clans or tribes. Some were cannibals and ate their young. Even us dope-smoking, gun-toting outlaws were afraid of the older clan. Well, they’ve calmed down some, ’cause they’re so fuckin’ old. But you can still witness what went on behind the scenes at the Hilltoppers 55th year reunion at the Golden Sails/Best Western Restaurant and Hotel on Sept. 9, from 6 p.m. until the hotel burns down. 6285 E. Pacific Coast Hwy., Long Beach, Calif. If you need info, call dangerous Pee Wee Thomas at (714) 898-4557.
AMTRAK AND BIKERS HAUL TO NORTH DAKOTA– This week’s Bikernet news had a note from Steven Iglesias about Amtrak and bikes. This Associated Press story was printed inthe Grand Forks (N.D.) Herald on Aug. 8: East Coast group gets to S.D. by way of Minot and a train. A special train, welcomed by Mayor Carroll Erickson and Amtrak officials, stopped here with more than 180 motorcycles and nearly 250 passengers headed for the annual motorcycle rally in Sturgis, S.D.
The majority of the bikers began theirjourney in Laconia, N.H., while others came from Vermont, Maine,Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Jersey and New York. They rodeinto Boston on Friday and took Amtrak to Minot.
“Taking bikes on the train is a newrevenue, and we’re filling a niche,” said Gary Erford, theproduct line director for Amtrak’s Empire Builder in Seattle. The motorcycles were carried on speciallydesigned pallets.
“This trip has been great. It’s agreat way to travel,” said Charlie St. Clair, head of theLaconia Motorcycle Rally, the East Coast equivalent to the Sturgisrally. “What’s nice in coming to Minot is, it’s a good wayfor us to get to Sturgis. It beats driving a vehicle and towingyour bike. We’d like to get feeder trains from allover to do this,” St. Clair said. “And we expect tocontinue to make our drop at Minot.”–Matt Hammer
IT’S EARLY FOR CHRISTMAS CHEER, BUT WE THOUGHT YOU SHOULD READ THESE–Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I askfor is peace and joy in the world for everybody!Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?
–Santa
Santa Dear Santa, I’ve written you for three years now asking for a firetruck. Please,I really, really want a fire truck this year!Love, Joey
Dear Joey, Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I’m gonna torchyour house. You’ll have more fire trucks than you’ll know what to do with.
–Santa
Dear Santa, I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d likefor my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy, What, and ruin that hot affair your dad’s still having withthe babysitter? He’s banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son!Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
–Santa
BELT DRIVES LIMITED– Suggests that when you install the clutch hub on the main shaft splines that you fill the splines with Loctite to prevent rattling. So what happens when you want to slip off that hub? Break out a blow torch? Nope. There is a cheap solution.Go to your local NAPA dealer and ask for a steering wheel puller #BK775-9064, then hand them $8.99 and get the fuck out of there. You will need a longer set of bolts for the front pulley. So go find that box of miscellaneous shit that you dump all over the floor whenever you need a nut. If you can’t find a pair, you’ll have to hit the hardware store. You’ll also need a hunk of iron to put across the clutch to pull against. That’s it, you’ll be shittin’ in tall cotton.–Stroker.
YO, BANDIT– I don’t know if I ever told you I hada boyfriend, but I do. He likes to buy me wigs and lingerie and Ibecome different women for him. Have you ever tried role playing? It canreally be nasty if you use your imagination. We have this openrelationship. As long as I’m only with girls, he’s OK with me foolingaround cause I get great inspiration from women. I become these women forhim, he gets to have affairs but with me. Usually I don’t get mygirlfriends involved with my boyfriend but he got a look at Sin and likedwhat he saw, almost as much as I do.
Sin came over the other night. My boyfriend,let’s just call him….Fred, he made us drinks then went and picked upChinese food and videos for us. While he was gone I showed Sin the toys Ibought. She was a little tipsy and was pretending to suck on the dildo.
We got pretty nasty and by the time Fred got back we were… Man I thought he was going to cum in his pants. Sindidn’t seem to mind him standing there, she actually seemed to get alittle nastier.
What a night!!!Too bad you spend your nights with someone other than Sin, she’s wild!
Well gotta go, Sin and I are going to Hollywood for the afternoon. Shewants to go to one of those “toy” stores. Watch out Bandit.–Coral
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– OK, so now the dust is sort of settled between the Sturgis 2000 race,Agent Zebra vs. Bandit. By they way, who won? Now this one is to fatten upthe ante.
For the guys that are still bitchin’ about sore asses, rain and cops,for those who love to bitch and moan about trailers (yeah, you with the “Irode to trailer week shirt!”) Check this shit out:
It all starts one month prior to the Sturgis dates, loading up thetrailer, getting all the paperwork ready, inspections, sweet talking cops,lots of T-shirts, posters and stickers to our local tax man (sort of IRS)and a lot of planning. We ship the bikes for 1,500 miles toJacksonville on a cargo ship. They get there one week later–are you following?
We must fly to Florida, pick up the truck, trailer and bikes anddrive straight to the Black Hills, 2,000 more miles, in a hurry, which takesthree or four days. When we get to the Black Hills, trailer gets unloaded, bikesout, ready to ride, another 1,500 miles added, (we ride all over thewicked hills). At the end, re-load the bikes, repack and drive back 2,000miles to Florida to ship the whole thing back, another week until it getsto PR and a couple days until we do all the paperwork to get them out ofthe docks. All this with a 44-foot trailer loaded with 12 bikes and a Chevydually towing the whole thing !
Moneywise, forget about it ! Shit, ridingfrom anywere in the States would be a breeze…..So next time you bitchabout some trailer queen, think about how easy or hard it may be…..andWhy. Man, we can run end to end in our island 500 times with the mileagewe do get, and in, the Black Hills……And we do four to five events a year…….shit ! A 14-foot trailer sounds reallygood right now, hmm, maybe a diesel truck? Did I tell you the time we didthe Love Ride in L.A.??? Oh well, that’s another story….See ya were it’s always summer. –Jose
THE 1%er MOVIE PROJECT–Agent Zebra has been flying from Miami to Los Angeles every other weekend to talk up his movie script “1%er” to various agents, managers, producers and bums on the streets of Hollywood. Right this second they are hammering away on the 34th draft. If they ever get it right, you’ll hear about it here. Watch the Projector Room for reports.
FREE CLASSIFIEDS– Yep that’s right. Bikernet classifieds are fully interactive, updated and edited daily, and they come in full color with animation and music. Yes, you too can run a classified. Plus, today only, you’ll receive a sparkling set of chromed Gin Su knives as an introductory offer. All right, I got carried off the ship. But the ads are free and that’s as cheap as we could make ’em for our brothers and sisters. If we can get a couple of shops to run banners and pay for ’em, I’ve been told by the Digital Ganster that it’s possible to slap up images of the scoots you want to sell, like the one above.
THE MATH TEACHER– gets called to the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “We need a new sex-ed teacher and you are it.”
The math teacher exclaims, “But I have never taught sex-ed before. What am I going do?”
The principal replies, “Well, you have until Monday to think of something, because that is when the class starts.”
The math teacher decides that he is going to use flash cards to teach the class because they have worked extremely well in teaching his math class.
On Monday morning, the teacher is feeling very confident. He walks into the room and begins to teach the class. He holds up the first flash card and asks, “Can anybody tell me what this is?”
Little Jill stands up and replies, “That’s a breast and my mommy has two.”
The math teacher says, “That’s right Jill! It is a breast, and your mommy does have two.”
The math teacher grabs the next flash card and asks,”Can anybody tell me what this is?
Little Bobby raises his hand and replies, “I know. That is a dick, and my daddy has two.”
The math teacher says, “That’s right Bobby it is a dick,but your daddy only has one.”
Little Bobby stands up and says, “Nope my daddy has two! He has a small one that he uses to pee, and a big one that he brushes mommy’s teeth with.”
SONNY BARGER TOURS ENGLAND SIGNING BOOKS–After a day of press interviews and signing books in London, he was a special guest at the Bulldog Bash. Barger joined about 15,000 bikers at the party hosted by HAMC England. His autobiography shot straight to the British bestseller lists.
Visit Sonny has been a legend among bikers for a long time, but now the “mainstream” is learning about his awesome life and commenting (with some reluctance) about his respectable principles and values. Since returning from England, Sonny has appeared for book signings in Minneapolis, Seattle, Portland, Littleton, Colo., and the Four Corners rally. In the next two months, he will be at Street Vibrations in Reno, Nev., Cleveland, Ohio, Rochester, N.Y., and at Biketoberfest in Daytona, Fla. Check the Meet Sonny page for details, and tell your friends who may want to meet him in person. QUICKEST HARLEY AT U.S. NATIONALS–Bill Hannon loves a drag racing crowd. And that made the NHRA/U.S. Nationals at Indy the place to be. “We almost packed the bike up, still hot from its last test pass at Gainesville, and headed directly to Indy. We didn’t have time to finish the lettering and for that we apologize to our sponsors. We thought the weather conditions would give us a break in the Midwest, but it was just like home, hot and humid, only 3,500 feet above sea level.” “There was a great field at Indy and we know the Harleys are still a long shot to make the field, but we don’t want to miss a chance to cut some numbers. We didn’t make the qualifying field but Dan Baisley did cut the quickest and fastest times among the Harleys with a 7.80 ET and 165.77 mph. If we can get the back half to match up with our front half numbers, we’re there.” Hannon Racing is scheduled to attend: Sept. 8-10 IHRA Epping, N.H. Sept. 14-17 NHRA Reading, Pa. Sept. 30 AHDRA Maple Grove, Pa. Oct. 7-8 AHDRA Rockingham, N.C. Oct. 26-29 NHRA Houston, Tx. Hannon Racing is supported on their national circuit by Axtell Sales Inc., Baisley Hi-Performance, D & G Chassis, Harley Davidson of Ft. Myers, The Landings Realty Inc., Red Line Oil, MRE, BPM Racing Engines, and Dyna Tek, RK Chain, Bandit Clutch, Vanson Leathers, & Mastercam. Hannon 941-463-2778 www.hannonracing.com
BIKERNET WEST–STURGIS 2000 COMING–Sometime today the first segment of the Sturgis 2000 saga will hit Bikernet in the garage and the fiction/non-fiction feature department. That first segment will take you through the five-week build of Bandit’s Daytec Chopper. Watch for the wild ride. The bike is currently at the Paul Yaffe Original’s studio being fitted for a new tank. We can’t tell you much more, who was at fault, if there was a girl involved (isn’t there always?), or what the problem is until all four chapters of Sturgis 2000 are posted. Keep checkin’ back.
WHY IS SEX–Why is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.
What do a coffin and a condom have in common? They’re both filled with stiffs, but you come in one, and go in the other!
Can you say three, two-letter words that denote small? Is it in?
THAT’S IT–I’m actually getting caught up after Sturgis gangster-slapped my wallet and time piece. It’s been non-stop. But in the near future you’ll need to get your bike polished and shot, then submit it to our own Cyber Cycles bike show. We’ll have new catagories that include non-traditional show bikes, like rat bikes, and bikes that have seen the most miles. Prizes will be awarded monthly and the Best of Show will get a full-on bike feature on Bikernet. In the next week we’ll be rambling on about the Weerd Bros. in Phoenix who assemble and distribute quality front ends, and you’ll get some tips on Mikuni Carb installation. We are looking into, and hold on for this one, a right-hand drive Baker six-speed transmission. If you go into Wrench’s bike barn in the next couple days, you’ll find a new bike feature by Huey Schwebs. Look for more bikes in the near future. 
I can’t handle much more, so I’m going out to the garage this afternoon and start to put my ’48 Pan back together with dual carbs, 42 mm Mikuni’s. Giggie from Compu-fire has promised to come over for the tuning process. You’ll see progress reports on the site in the near future.Shit, it’s almost noon and Sin may be strolling past. I better clean up, make her her favorite drink and wonder why I’m so fuckin’ lucky. Let’s ride, we’re burnin’ daylight. –Bandit
