Generally, I write stories of rides, women and open roads, but not this time. I was a trailer queen, so you might as well shred this page and go back to the Bikernet Garage for a tech. For 10-15 years, I've built bikes and ridden 1,500 miles to the Badlands. Then we caught the Bonneville bug for the last couple of years, but 2008 rolled around and I muttered, “Wait just a goddamn minute. We need to clean up the shop before striking out on a new project.”
I musta been drunk. I love new projects and usually can't resist. But I held my mud.
We were in the process of finishing a bobber for Nyla Olsen, the Queen of Bikernet, with the extreme unflinching talents of Kent Weeks at Lucky Devil Metal Works in Houston.
There's a 45 flathead roller waiting for an engine with a K-model top end at Departure Bike Works in Richmond, Virginia and I'm collecting parts for a '29 Peashooter I'm building for Bonneville '09. That was enough loose ends, and I'm a stickler for finishing projects.
Then Michael Lichter called and said, “We're producing another art exhibit in Sturgis and you're invited to display the Salt Shaker.” I was deeply honored until he told me the schedule.
“I need the bike a couple of days before bike week starts, and I know you're a good welder. Could you make a sculpture?”
Mike's an old and dear friend. I gave him his first Easyriders assignment to cover Sturgis in 1981.
“Hell, Bandit, you've got three weeks,” he said.
Planning for Sturgis is a constant test of patience and versatility. Any bro who has tried to muster a couple of other riders together for a cross-country run knows this. Two will fall out, one might lose his job, and another’s old lady will threaten break-up. For months, the team will fluctuate, falter, stumble, and break down. Finally, the day before kick-off, unexpected players emerge and the ride begins. Hell, just ask Johnny Humble.
Next flex in our riding schedule came from Carrie Repp of R&R Promotions and Thunder Road in Sturgis.
“You're not doing anything,” asked Carrie. “How about throwing a one-day bike show party at the Thunder Road on Friday? Oh, how about a series of interviews with Steven Tyler of Aerosmith and RedWing Motorcycles daily? Wait, how about bringing the Assalt Weapan (World's Fastest Panhead) to Sturgis for the Seminole Hard Rock Roadhouse tour to support your year of the veteran’s charities?”
Holy shit, my Sturgis agenda was shot to the moon! I reached out to Berry Wardlaw of Accurate Engineering, who has the Assalt Weapan on his lift for tuning and Maxton Mile preparations.
“Hey, Berry, can you bring it to Sturgis?”
“Sure man,” Berry said.
Then I picked up the phone and called Commander Edge, the dusty Emperor of all nine Smoke Out events.
“A show in Sturgis, no problem,” he said and my life was cooked for the next eight months. But like the plans for any run, shit happens, changes and fluctuates. We kept driving forward.
When we finally pulled out for the Black Hills, the active team behind the Bikernet Brouhaha consisted of myself, Nyla Olsen, George Fleming the artist, Commander Edge, Seth Doulton and Spike of Horsepower Promotions and the Hollister Event, Ray Wheeler of W8Less Rotors, Jeff Najar of Horse Power Marketing, Bob Osias of Metric Thunder, Ken Conte, Dar Holdsworth of Brass Balls Bobbers, and Barb and Lynn from Thunder Road. We were a whiskey-oiled team prepared to rock the Thunder Dome with a full day of entertainment.
Hell, we even had sponsors. It started with Dupont's Hot Hues offering to supply our 1st place trophies. Kevin Baas volunteered to work with me on the best of show trophies, which turned out killer with the help of Jim's Custom Paint. Custom Chrome came on board next and supplied goodie bags and support for all our 5-Ball trophies, which consisted of real 5-Balls. Spectro Oils came forward with 2nd place oil changes for everyone. Then Biker's Choice came on board with Hard Krome and Road Burner to help with over $15,000 in exhaust system prizes. Joel from Headwinds stepped up as did Tom and the gang at Saddleman. Torian Leathers and D&D supplied more prizes and gift certificates. W8Less Rotors Ray helped with every aspect of the show, including sweeping the floor, and gave several of our winners a discount on sets of W8Less Rotors. Biker Pros, Metric Thunder, The Horse and Roadhouse Brand also stepped up to support the first Bikernet Brouhaha.
I was involved with Easyriders Bike Shows for years, but this one-day extravaganza excited me. I've been around a long time and my vision of shows is tainted by years of experience, but the more I discussed the show with Smokin' Edge, the more my mind started to sizzle with excitement. This wasn't any show; it wasn't just a band and girl bit. It was beginning to smack of a circus wrapped around a bike show. The edgy agenda called for contests, girls, bands, burnouts, wet t-shirts, game-show quizzes and interviews. Our schedule called for something new every 45 minutes and the Commander had it nailed in writing. Every element was documented in detail, when and who was responsible. No wonder he retired from military intelligence.
In addition, the Thunder Dome housed the Michael Lichter annual art exhibit and Strokers Dallas, Rick Fairless's wood shingled bar, starring hot waitresses and psychedelic motorcycles. Rick was on hand every day to sign posters and demonstrate that long-haired hippies with tie-dyed tank tops still exist.
The Thunder Dome, a massive football field-sized tent, that allows lots of natural light inside, perfect for bikes shows, was surrounded by a massive paved Thunder Road vendor area built on the perimeter of the Glencoe Camping facility, one of the largest, most noted in the Badlands. Gary Liphold, the boss of this arena recently added a serious concert venue, so we were among good company.
With the assistance of Ray Ambler and George Fleming, we designed the Brouhaha logo, magazine ads, billboards, banners, promotional card and t-shirts. With Kevin Baas and Nyla Olsen, we built trophies until we were blue in the face. We had conference calls, discussed and changed the judging classes several times and stressed over one dinky detail after the other. Until we shipped the banners, hoped they didn’t get lost in the unrelenting shuffle of packages heading toward Sturgis and finished packing our Ford F-150 with a long bed, we couldn't relax.
That old F-150, clocked with over 140,000 miles, still ran like a dream. I prayed to the desert tarantula as we sped across the Mojave toward the open west, what's left of it. Hell, if Billy Lane rode a 60-year-old flathead 74 to Sturgis, my truck would handle it fine. I won't clamor through the road trip, since you're reading the Billy Lane and Doc saga and can enjoy the Johnny, Full Face, experience from Texas. Great story. I'll just add a couple of thoughts from my roadside notes.
Everywhere we went, I looked longingly for Subways for my perfect tuna sandwiches. I only saw them between meals, not when I was hungry. We were concerned about the truck fulla of my old Shovelhead, so everywhere we slept was across from the police department, a no-no in the past. Even in Sturgis, our pad was half a block to the Sturgis Jail. High security. I'm not kidding. In Provo, Utah, the cop station was directly across from our B&B and then at the Z-Bar Motel in Buffalo, Wyoming, same thing. As we unloaded our clothes into one of 20 log cabins, I noticed the authorities parked in uniformed order across the highway.
It started to rain in Utah and we pulled off the freeway at a franchise junction. You name it; it was there, from Home Depot to Quiznos. We grabbed a box of heavy-duty trash bags and wrapped all our boxes and luggage. It never rained again.
Since we were headed toward the largest event of the year, you'd think we'd run alongside riders, but that wasn't the case. We only witnessed riders heading west or south. I looked at stock bikes, dressers and Softails, and wondered about our outlaw future. Are we becoming Toyotaized? You know, open the hood of a Toyota and look inside. Even the west is groping for its existence as Home Depot and Walmarts take over the world until every town is the same as the next. We gotta do something about that.
“I'll bet there cutting Sturgis short to make it to the 105th,” a Casper, Wy rider in a gas station told me. I remember seeing riders from the east pass through Sturgis on their way west to Yellowstone and beyond, but it sure seemed strange.
We rolled into Sturgis just in time for the Michael Lichter Industry Party at Thunder Road Tuesday afternoon. We unloaded the truck in Sturgis and it started to rain. We jammed to the party and it rained harder. We got inside just about the time the hail and micro-burst, 100 mph downdraft winds, kicked off the roar of city-warning alarms, like bomb threats.
“Please move to the west end of the building and huddle under the Strokers Sturgis wood shingle awnings,” said the ominous announcer.
John Reed took the opportunity to grab a plate and hit the empty buffet line.
“That means you, John,” the announcer barked.
The tent was designed with a steel structure and I suspect the guidance was meant to avoid death from lightening strikes. Even locals moved quickly under the wood shingle awnings.
Mike's exhibit is always a top reflection of the artist side of our industry from bikes to sculptures and various other art forms. This year, the display included bikes built by non-pro builders. That was a tough assignment. He devoted the exhibit to Johnny Chop and called “Stay Gold”, and then went in search of guys who painted, sculpted or built bikes, but not as pros.
I was honored to have the Salt Shaker on display, our first World Land Speed Record holder (145 mph), and a sculpture I made specifically for Mike’s display, since I don't create sculptures for a living. I recommended a couple of artists, and Bikernet's Chris Kallas was invited to show off some of his painting abilities. Hell, John Reed was also selected to make a sculpture, although I could never figure out what the hell it was.
Sturgis was in full swing, and Wednesday, I had a mission to deliver the my handmade Best Panhead Award (with the help of Kevin Bass) to the Broken Spoke for John Green's Easyriders Ride In Show. While checking the bikes and hanging out in the Broken Spoke Bar dust, I ran into Matt Olsen, a young stock '37 Knuckle rider who offered me a pulled pork lunch downtown, then we rode to Lonnie Isem's brand new antique motorcycle restoration shop, Competition Distribution (www.competitiondist.com, 605-720-1903) on the edge of town. What a rush and display of historic bikes! They basically build 1905-1929 Harleys for customers all over the globe. Plus they distribute VL, UL, FL and EL parts from the '30s. What a fantastic historic facility. Make a point to visit it or order a catalog and get a tease.
Matt is a very passionate member of the AMCA, Antique Motorcycle Club of America, and we may work with him on a 45 Flatty raffle promotion to encourage younger folks to join the AMCA. He also writes for a couple of magazines and may start to contribute to Bikernet.
“We need to get folks to stop and help broke-down riders,” Matt said. “I ran outta gas and 70 riders went by before a woman stopped to help me.”
We discussed a uniform signal for distress. It's dangerous to quickly lean off an interstate at 75 mph and stop. We stopped for a couple of riders on the way home and both times, they were parked in the emergency lane for rain gear or a smoke break. Lonnie's place pumped my inspiration for building a 1915-styled bike for the ride to Sturgis next year. I'm stoked!
I made the mandatory Hamster run from Spearfish to downtown Sturgis Thursday afternoon, a rolling bike show. One of the many rushes of Sturgis is wandering the shows, the streets and the Hamster rally, checking bikes and discussing builds with builders and riders. I came away inspired, relieved, informed and fulla new resources. For instance, Don Hotop is one of the unsung masters of bike building. When you straddle a bike from Don, that bastard will run until your grandson is old enough to ride. His bikes are like finely tuned watches. We discussed custom dresser bags and he showed me a super cool bagger he built with Redneck bags.
“These are cool, but check out Kawasaki bags and brackets,” Don said. “They're a breeze to install and inexpensive.” I took notes and decided the FXR bike we're building will become our mud flap girl bike inspired by Arlin Fatland from 2Wheelers in Denver.
After the Hamster gathering, I had one goal: to see the Bikernet Brouhaha rock the Thunder dome. I apologize for not making it to some of the other shows, but I was on a mission and had to see it through or die trying. The day kicked off with Seth, Spike and Lynn setting up bikes, but there weren't many. Edge and I were concerned. Thunder Road hosted shows all week. Maybe the bros took off or were burned out on shows. Monday, the Horse Mag show rocked the tent, followed by the Metzeler show, the Dave Perewitz Paint competition, then the Rat's Hole show and finally us. Edge and I paced the concrete deck as the clocked ticked close to the bewitching hour. Edge made some calls and I drank whiskey and prayed to the Bourbon gods. Something worked. Over 60 bikes pulled in and the show filled out. We attempted to make it a show for everyone from bobbers to car bikes, dressers, choppers and prostreets. We had a trike and sidecar category and honored metric customs and race bikes.
It worked! We signed up a broad assortment of top-of-the-line customs in virtually every category. Nyla made us sandwiches as we discussed judging with our experienced staff, including Chris Callen, the editor of Cycle Source, Bob Osias, the owner of Metric Thunder and the Editor of Bikernet Metric. Bob Kay played along and he's been in this business for over a century. We looked around for John Reed. “He's so flaky he could hide his own Easter eggs,” Edge said.
Here's the rundown of the day's activities. The show opened at 9:00 for registration and check-in. At 11:00, Edge and I panicked and learned that someone discovered water on Mars. Fortunately, as more bikes rolled in, the band kicked off to sooth my nerves.
Ray Wheeler was god of the Tattoo contest and was hell-bent to make it strong. At 11:45, we had contestants from all over the globe, including a tattooist from New Zealand. A brother took the contest with original Polynesian tribal work and won a Torian Leather shirt.
We immediately ran into the Fake Orgasm contest, headed up by Bob Kay and former Biker's Choice VP, VP of American Iron Horse, designer of the Dallas Chopper and President of Torian Leathers. Although everyone wants to have an orgasm, few want to share their techniques, but we found just the right girls. One squeaked and the other rocked the stage. She knew what was going on, and I was the judge. I won't go into why I was sold on being the judge. It's too embarrassing.
Ray Wheeler was god of the Tattoo contest and was hell-bent to make it strong. At 11:45, we had contestants from all over the globe, including a tattooist from New Zealand. A brother took the contest with original Polynesian tribal work and won a Torian Leather shirt.
We immediately ran into the Fake Orgasm contest, headed up by Bob Kay and former Biker's Choice VP, VP of American Iron Horse, designer of the Dallas Chopper and President of Torian Leathers. Although everyone wants to have an orgasm, few want to share their techniques, but we found just the right girls. One squeaked and the other rocked the stage. She knew what was going on, and I was the judge. I won't go into why I was sold on being the judge. It's too embarrassing.
Thunder Road, with the edgy master designer, built the safest, strongest, heaviest, iron burnout pit in the world. Still, we couldn't find contestants. We'll be back next year and we'll find a tire sponsor to switch out fried tires in front of the audience, so a brother doesn't have to worry about the ride home. At 1:30, the Sturgis Calendar Girls set up their slinky selves and signed calendars, while in the next booth, Russell Mitchell signed T-shirts.
We discussed a bike manufacturer round table and a guitar raffle with Steven Tyler. Steven raffled off a guitar for Red Wing motorcycles every day of the week and drew a huge crowd. On the day of our event, Steven had to fly out for another engagement. He was promoting the Red Wing Motorcycles – cool looking bikes.
It got to be 3:30 and Edge set up a bed next to the stage and a fake windowsill. The kickstart contest (Honey, I'm Home!) began with a brother being busted by her old man. He had to jump out of the sack, put on his (or her) shoes, dive out the window, push his bike outside and kickstart it. We had three contestants; one was a woman who used my Shovelhead. Nicole, from Australia, came in second. What a crowd pleaser.
Next year, we're launching the Scott Long look-alike contest. We found a wig in San Pedro that makes any unshaven man look like Scott Long. What a laugh riot that will be and Scott said he'll judge it. Tom Monroe slipped the wig on and jump into bed with one of the guys, (Honey I’m home winner). That incident is still under investigation. Edge was forced by knife point to put it on. He looks miserable, huh?
Then the lights were turned down and the stage lit to enhance the Bikernet Brouhaha wet T-Shirt Contest, which was coordinated by the Biker's Choice dealer's rep of the year, Doris Taylor. Doris and the girls counted the cash for the winners and created some lovely fluorescent gift bags for the half naked girls.
And the winner was bubbly Liz….
At 4:45, the band settled the crowd down and let the experienced judging staff finish the tough task of picking winners. Actually, it isn't tough, if each judge follows the strict and fair Bikernet Code of Judging. At 5:30, we kicked off our final contest on the Thunder Dome stage, the Ms. Bikernet 2008 Contest, headed by Dar Holdsworth, the supreme admiral behind Brass Balls Bobbers and Darwin Motorcycle Company. This contest wasn't about cup size, nipple erections or camel toes, but desire, knowledge and biker character.
Each contestant was given the exact same series of questions about the industry, asked to find Daytona Bike Week on a California map and describe a series of motorcycle engine internal parts. The Commander kept it light, funny and entertaining as several girls attempted for find Daytona on the coast of California, but one girl kicked his ass with direct and intelligent answers coated in a sarcastic spin. Nicole Brosing, a tattoo artist from Australia, was direct and to the point. I even brought a broken and battered Panhead intake valve from back in the '70s.
“And that's a busted and beat valve from a hurting engine,” Nicole answered and sealed her fate. The Aussie was the winner.
She ended up riding back to Los Angeles and helped us weld the good Dr. Hamster's trailer back together.
The sun was hot Friday afternoon in the vented tent as the clock hit 5:30 and we decided to move up the Bike Show Awards Ceremony. At the end of the day, we were generally pleased with the class rundown. We ended up adding a Pro Street class at the last minute, and a couple of classes weren't filled, but that's cool. It's better to be saddled with too many trophies than to run short. Here's the winning rundown and awards:
Best of Show winners received Bandit and Kevin Baas custom Trophies painted by Jim Murillo's Custom Paint plus a set of $800 exhaust pipes from Hard Krome.
1st Place – Jim Giuffra
2nd Place – Johnny Gil
3rd Place – Paul Wrdeman
American Manufactured Class
1st Place – Joseph Castaneda who won a set of D&D Exhaust pipes.
2nd Place – Albert De Herrera won an oil change from Spectro Oils and $100 gift certificate from W8Less Rotors
Metric Manufactured Class
1st Place Liz Short – who also won a set of Road Burner Exhaust pipes.
2nd Place – Kurt Peterson who received a oil change from Spectro Oil and a $100 gift Certificate from W8Less Rotors
Touring Bikes
1st Place – Martin Ramirez
2nd Place – Dennis Pierce
Trikes & Sidecar Bikes
1st Place – Tim Rotert
Auto Bikes (any bike with an automotive engine)
1st Place – David Ward
2nd Place – David Ward
Radical Chopper Category
1st Place – Jesse
2nd Place – Buddy Schulz
Bobber Category
1st Place – Johnny Gil
2nd Place – Jeff Fording
Early Chopper Style
1st Place – Paul Wideman
2nd Place – Andrew Williams
American Manufacture Custom
1st Place – Robert Harris
2nd Place – Dan Dabney
Pro Street Class
1st Place – Nicolas Chauvin
2nd Place – Doug Jahnke
Sport Bikes
1st Place – Dave & Chris
2nd Place – Critter
Antique Bikes
1st Place – Chica
Antique Custom
1st Place – Curt Lout
2nd Place – Ken Conte
Judge’s Choice
Robert Harris
Best Paint
Liz Short
Best Design
Larry Rak
Best Detail
Jason Ferguson
Best Sheetmetal
Doug Jahnke
At the end of the day, over 60 bikes competed in the first Bikernet Brouhaha Bike Show. We had a terrific crowd for Friday, but next year we may move the show up in the week. We felt positive about the show and upbeat towards next year as we packed the Salt Shaker from the Michael Lichter exhibit, my sculpture, my rusty Shovelhead and bags of trash bag-wrapped luggage. Then we cut a dusty trail back to the coast.
The second day on the road home, we nearly ran outta gas in Chama, New Mexico and scavenged all the gas outta the bikes in a closed Chevron station. We decide to spend the night in the town of 500 and had the best chow of the trip at the old historic High Country Restaurant, owned by a 6'6″ 25-year-old lanky sort who had to duck to scramble into the bar to make change and bartend. Busy guy, but terrific food and the Chama Trails Inn across the street was a cool place to stay.
Gorco Choppers in Chama, NM.
There you have it, Sturgis 2008, and already we're making plans and building bikes for 2009. Looks like the Alaskan Trek might become a reality for 2009. Imagine meeting in Seattle, grabbing a Bellingham ferry for a three-day coastal tour to Anchorage. One day and we'll be in Fairbanks, then a half-day to the Arctic Circle. Then back to Seattle and across to Sturgis. It's all about the ride, right.
Hang on for a 1915 Paughco/Crazyhorse/Baker build for the Alaska/Sturgis adventure, the plans, the alterations, the next Bikernet Brewha (yep, we're changing the spelling of the name) and the girls going with us. Next year will be packed with adventures. Hang on.
Just a bunch of images I took.
On behalf of all who were involved with the 2008 Bikernet Brouhaha, we'd like to thank all of our sponsors once more. Without their support the event would have been a flop.
A personal thank you goes out to Edge, Ray Wheeler, Bob Osias, Jeff Najar, Seth Doulton, Spike, Doris Taylor, Nicole, Skeet, Roadside Marty, Dary Holdsworth, the family in Sturgis that gave up their beautiful home, the nice lady at the B&B in Provo, UT, my kids for taking care of the animals and not trashing the house while we were gone… I'm sure we're missing someone but that's enough. ~Nyla
